Work Ethic

Will Smith said he’s an average talent, but where he excels over everyone else is when it comes to his ridiculously productive work ethic.

Ohhhh good for him.

What about the rest of us?

For most of the starving artists I know, most of our work ethic is trapped in our brains, thinking about what to do and how to do it over and over again. These fantasies are dwelled upon so much that when it comes time to put pen to paper, it’s absolutely overwhelming.

How does Will Smith do it? … HOW?!?

I can’t handle this… I’ll save this for another day.

“Love”

HA!

What a concept. Is it out there? Some people sure seem to find it, but I’m willing to bet that most people don’t.

What does it feel like? From what I’ve heard it’s a combination of pure happiness and wanting for someone, mixed with this painful surge of loss and worry when they’re not around. Every characteristic I’ve heard about love seems to be also classified as an obsession. Obsession has a much more negative connotation, but how are they really different?

OBSESSION: An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind.

LOVE: A great interest and pleasure in something/someone.

The exciting parts of love diminishes over time, so the obsession aspect is only in the earliest of stages. So in order to know you’re in love you have to feel obsessed with the person? Some people feel that simultaneously toward one another. For others it’s an unfortunate one way street where one person’s fantasy about the other is nonexistent in their partners eyes, thus we get awkward moments, broken hearts, stalkers …

Can one find love if one is closed off from the idea?

I think I’ve been in love a few times over the years. Though in retrospect I think I just wanted to say it while having sex, because god how romantic… I haven’t wanted a girlfriend, ever, really. Why? Responsibility perhaps. As I struggle to get my own life in order, why would I want to drag someone else into this mayhem of time? Thinking further, I really haven’t found anyone that I’ve felt the appropriate connection with. I’ve tried many times, there have been quite a few attempts. At least the act of love has been experienced, but the true visceral feelings? I sure don’t think so..

I mean I’ve said it to a select few girls over the years. At the time I did mean it, but in retrospect, while I did “love” them, that “in-love” feeling wasn’t there. I think I felt it in the first few weeks of a certain relationship with a certain person. Things ended up moving way too quickly however. How quickly? Facebook official within two weeks of meeting each other. Facebook official. WITH NO MUTUAL FRIENDS. What strangers we were.

Okay one mutual friend.

Anyway, what I thought I felt was love, and perhaps it was at the time. It was more of an excitement, an infatuation, pure glee, really. Immediately I had fantasies of our future together and I truly felt an energetic connection. However, as time went on.. we realized we don’t really know each other at all. Soon it became clear that we are very much not meant to be together. The whole thing lasted 3 months. Barely.

Now if that feeling happens again, should I trust it? Sure led me astray on that one. Sometimes things just work out. We were both grateful to have at least had that magical (yes, magical) experience when we first began. But goddamn it changed quickly.

So what is this love thing?!? To find someone so special that you accept all their faults (ALL their faults, really???) I don’t know how ya’ll do it.

I mean I’m picky and all, but to find someone to spend forever with, I don’t think I’ve even come close. Plenty of good times and good relationships, but that “the one” feeling? I’m starting to fear I’ll never find it. But I wonder how it’s so easy for some and so hard for others. I’ve had friends who find themselves in love from one girl to the next. Am I just that unlucky? There must be something more…..

Everything You Know Is Wrong

Kanye West is a dick.

Now that’s probably true, but I have… okay now that I remember the Taylor Swift incident, yes definitely true. BUT, I have a feeling that he’s perceived to be much more dickish than he actually is.

Before I lose you, I’m using this as a mere example of why everything you know is wrong and will get to more valid, non-Kanye points later on and yes I know this blog shares the same title as one of Weird Al’s best songs ever.

I read a headline along the lines of “Kanye West demands guest in wheelchair stands up”. Now.. that is generally true, however, after reading the story, it turns out Kanye didn’t know that the person was disabled. People still look over this fact as Kanye was such a dick for stopping the show and demanding that everyone in the arena must stand up before he continues (personally I would have Rosa Parks’ed that demand. I paid YOU money for YOU to sing and dance while I sit here and be comfortable. If I stand I want some financial compensation as now I’m helping Mr. West with his performance… Have I lost you? I’ve lost myself….

Anyway.. based on the headline I thought, “Kanye told someone in a wheelchair to stand up?! Wow.. I totally believe that. What a fucking asshole.” Upon reading the story however, a security guard or posse member or cohort of some kind approached the Rosa Parker and relayed to Kanye the wheelchair message to which Kanye replied “Oh, okay that’s fine!” and he continued his performance. So while yes, Kanye demanded the wheelchair-bound person to stand up, he didn’t know that that was the case when he asked/demanded/ordered. The headline was misleading BUT, since it sounded so absurd, I read the article. SO it was a successful headline, thus: business. marketing. success.

And that’s the point I’d like to make here. Business.

I don’t trust the news. The attitude that I see from most every political pundit is a stern, matter-of-fact, end-of-the-world tone that seems to be pretty consistent every single day.

::Break for a couple hours::

Okay I’m done.. there’s a point I’d like to make eventually about how as long as the news companies keep requiring advertisements to survive, in other words, they NEED high ratings to survive, then you can hardly trust the severity of every single issue they address with such life-threatening concern. 24-hour news should be illegal and should only be governmentally subsidized so they don’t doctor up lame stories to seem more interesting than they actually are and especially so they don’t compete for ratings and therefore might as well state matter-of-fact information without the grandiose emotional manipulation. Does such a place exist? I don’t know, probably, but I’m just not into that sort of thing.

To be continued.

Dear World,

Thus begins a new chapter in my life where I start writing bullshit like everyone else and hope that my shit stinks even slightly less than everyone else’s shit. Any previous posts you see here were written as an employee of a happy, friendly neighborhood magazine. I’m not that guy anymore. The only reason I still leave those posts is so that I can market myself as a veteran blogger with 5 years experience. Hopefully nobody notices the 4-year-ish gap.

Over the years I’ve gone back and forth with my inner demons on whether or not I’m worth a shit. That’s a lie, I’ve always known I have talent. That’s a lie. Still lying. Now neither of us know how I really feel, which is fine by me.

I’m done being patient on my lazy fuckin ass to come around and start trying to make a difference, or so I tell myself. I just see so much of everything blasted out into the world every fucking day that it’s just too much. Toooo fucking much. BUT.. if people are reading everyone else’s crap, I might as well try and make a positive dent in it all.

I like words … at least I used to. My brain has really deteriorated over the years of inaction as, instead of sitting down and putting pen to paper (I guess “fingers to plastic” is a more updated way to say that (what would “pen to paper” be classified as … an idiom? a term of endearment? a phrase?! I don’t know, or care. This is an example of my aforementioned deterioration)).

Words With Friends is back in my life, but I don’t think it’s contributing much to positive brain function. Gonna stop myself right here. I am generally an open book. People ask how I’m doing and I’ll give them an honest answer. An answer so honest that they’ll never ask how I’m doing ever again. But overall things are fine. Just unsatisfied with myself and the world, so here I am to start changing both of those things, or so I tell myself.

I plan to write on anything and everything, and we’ll see if it happens.. I hate the limitations of categorizations and themes. I’m going to go find a current event and state my opinion on it. I’ll start from there. Dear god I hope I keep doing this.

If you read all this … keep it to yourself. I’ll proofread everything I write, except this. I plan to keep writing enough so that I’ll push this blog to the ether below, but I felt I needed a transitional message between what I plan to write from here, and the bullshit fluff below.

Done with this one.

Nice to meet you.